I’m convinced that every time I was bailed out of a situation I was stunted in my growth to overcome on my own. Now I’m not saying I didn’t appreciate it and that I want to go back and do it over on my own by any means! However, if I muddy the kitchen floor when it’s been freshly cleaned, I need to be the one to clean it up.
Taking responsibility for ones actions has become less popular in the day and age we live in and blaming others for our mistakes has taken the lead in the race with integrity. Nothing is more disgraceful than when there is apparent fault, but the appropriate party won’t admit it. Now before you start calling me judgmental or think that I’m writing about a specific situation, cool your jets and relax! Whenever I speak in meetings or write I always try to draw from my own life experience and use that for my foundation assisted by corrective measures from the Bible.
Believe me, I have plenty of material without having to use anyone else’s mess for subject matter.
Back to the point, I used to be a major manipulator! I could talk my elementary school teachers out of giving me punishment so well that they thought they were at fault at the end of the conversation! And when I did get caught, I had a mother who would (most of the time) defend me to the death and get my hiney of the frying pan. She was well intentioned, loved me greatly, but no one was going to mess with her son! She would’ve stopped a bullet for me. Now I’m grateful for her high levels of mercy, but at the same time it hindered some of my growth as a child because I relied heavily on her assistance. My dad was out of town a lot and it was my mom and I for the most part so she was heavily invested in my childhood, which was one adventure after the next.
My father on the other hand was black and white with no concessions for foolishness. So when I did push it too far and he found out, it was often a “come to Jesus” meeting for me. He, as long as I can remember, has been one who takes the blame if it’s his fault with no chance of letting someone else take the fall. I’m not saying he’s perfect, that’s just how I remember it. It took a while for his stance on owning your mess to catch up to my thinking and actions, but it has.
What I have found is that every time I make a mistake but am unwilling to admit it that I am piling up a mountain of remorse that I will one day have to climb over if I’m going to succeed in relationships and life in general. I must take full responsibility for my actions with no thought of shifting what rightfully belongs to me into someone else’s world. Even to the extent that I don’t defend myself out of pride when I know I’m innocent. I have to take the stance that Jesus did and do my best to suffer with His sufferings.
If I keep my attitude right and I am honest with myself then in the end, He will exonerate me and I will have sown mercy and be in line for the same form others. The easiest way to start on this path of ownership is to begin with the small stuff, the things that no one will have noticed but only you know about. I do it with my wife and kids often; if I know I messed up then I correct it right away. Then at least a connection isn’t lost because of my pride and unwillingness to admit, “I’m wrong”. Jim Baker, a wonderful man of God, got caught up in some failures in the late 80’s and was sent to prison for what many CEO’s get away with daily (don’t want to get off on that tangent!) After he was released and many had dis-owned him except for a few other great minister friends, he wrote a book. The title was simply “I was wrong!”I’m sure that was a humbling thing to do, but he regained the vigor of his former days and is ministering the gospel internationally on television again.
I remember a time in my life when I had done something once again to bring blight to my family name and to give my parents another chance to walk in forgiveness. Anyway, I spent some time with Stan Nixon, a pastor in our local church, in a restoration process. He told me something that has stuck with me ever since then; He simply said, when someone asks you what happened, say “I was wrong and I’m fixing it!” That’s it, nothing else. He told me that the less I say, the less everyone else will say too. It was good advice and still works today.
So when we make mistakes and we all do, let’s own our actions, not shift the blame, say we were wrong and begin the path of restoration. If one thing is true, it’s that we serve a loving Father who wants us restored and re-fired for the mission of our lives.
Hope this helps,
Barry