There are two different leadership styles - Autocratic and Socratic! the first one is who I used to be! That person is very dictatorial, very "my way or the highway!" and while that leader may be right in their decisions or outcome, it's possible they are wrong in the process. The other leader, the Socratic leader is more patient and involves the people around them in a more process and input driven style of leadership.
Joel Manby, the CEO of Herschend Family Entertainment wrote a book a few years ago called "Love Works!". It's a must read for any current or aspiring leader. He promotes the opinion that leading with respect, honor and yes love will win in the end. However when you are a leader, at least for me, I still want to lead Autocratically because it's quicker and easier in the beginning, but that style suffers in the end. Learning to really value others and have people work with you, not for you is so much better because it builds ownership and in the end a healthier organization. Know this though, it takes risk to lead this way.
Anyway, my point was that some of what I wanted to say came from that book. It's an easy read by the way, so pick one up and you'll be glad you did.
Back to my point though! There are two options in every dis-agreement, either to walk in pride which goes in with a stronghold already built that says "I'm right" or in humility, which remains in a place of wanting an overall positive outcome and knows "I could be wrong!"
Now men, I dare you to take this approach with your wife! The next time you have a dis-agreement with your wife, or as my Community PastorJames Grundy says "Intense Fellowship!" go into the discussion believing the best, staying humble and listening to your wife! I won't say it's a breeze, because it's not! Most times when that happens, I have already formed an opinion that I am justified in my thinking and that she is wrong. But very often we are both right and simply need to listen to each other. Obviously, if you're a woman reading this then swap the role!
This is most likely true in any dis-agreement, but it's really easy to miss that fact if I go into a meeting having to prove my point. I potentially miss walking in "Greater Light"! What I mean is that if I'm only interested in my perspective then that's just what I'll get, my perspective, my thoughts and my "light"! Greater Light is something that comes through valuing others and needs to by our constant desire and companion. It's the inner drive to know more and become better. The simple truth is that NO one knows it all even though there are a lot of people who's arrogance present themselves to know everything, but it's a false reality and a house with no foundation.
So, because of this truth, we can enter into any dis-agreement with our weapons holstered and an attitude of willingness. We have to be truly wiling to listen! Listening is a fine art and it needs to be honed through patience and not loading your guns behind your back while others are talking. Let's be honest, if we're only thinking about our hot response to the other person, then we're really not listening. And don't worry about losing your thought, because if you're being led by Holy Spirit, He'll give you the right word at the right time.
I'm not advocating saying nothing or becoming a doormat, but there is a huge difference in allowing yourself to get "run over" and handling a tense conversation with a humble frame of mind. Whenever you do this though, be aware that you will have to keep your feelings reigned in and your pride at bay, because if you don't, that moment will simply become another brick in the wall of failure.
Paul said in one of his epistles, "I have made it a point to know nothing!" I don't believe he was saying that he was uneducated because he was one of the most intelligent men of his time, but he had decided that the only thing worth knowing was Jesus Christ and Him crucified. That was the mindset he lived by and how he encountered people. It was from that place that he spoke and while he didn't get it right al the time, he came to a greater place of influence because of it.
No one is the end all be all to everything, so there's no point acting like it! I have counted myself to know nothing so that from every man I may learn something!
Hope this helps!
Like the Dos Equis guy, you know "the most interesting man in the world" might say! "Stay humble my friends!"
Barry